I </3 office politics

I hate office politics. I'm not sure if I even quite understand what office politics are. All I know is that I feel like I'm either being too nice, or being too bitchy, and I don't know who to trust or who to talk about what with. Everything's fine and dandy when coworkers chat about idle things and they are not working together on any projects, but once they start working together, it's like some invisible game of battle royale. How do you distribute and divide work without some kind of secret power struggle? Seriously, why can't we all be happy, secure people without ulterior motives? Just give me a bunch of crap to do and leave me alone, so I don't have to deal with these awkward social situations. I swear it's the corporate office atmosphere. After all, our largest office is in SF (where I'm working), and instead of working together creatively to come up with the best designs and products, it's a free-for-all battle to be king of the hill (a hill of your coworker's bodies). I JUST WANT TO LEARN SOMETHING AND IMPROVE MY SKILLS GODDAMMIT. I'M NOT DISRESPECTING YOU OR CHALLENGING YOU IN ANY WAY WHEN I ASK A QUESTION about something simple and stupid, such as "Why are we using a concrete base with an aggregate base instead of just an aggregate base under a stone paver path with grass joints?" I am not implying that using a concrete base is a bad or good idea, I just want to know why. That's it. Really. Because I don't know why, that's why. If you use anything else I would ask the same question, except with different nouns. It's like mad libs.

Battlesuitengage

I also love it when we are about to color render a plan with prismacolors and someone goes, "So, do you know how to color?" Every time. "No, not really... I don't, just show me YOUR style and the colors YOU want to use and I'll copy it, because you are the best color pencil renderer in the world and your technique is impeccably perfect and beautiful. Even if you're not licensed and have been working only a couple years more than I have. Yep, those extra 2-3 years of coloring an illustrative plan has really made you into a pro."

I know I'm new to this field and am here to be a sponge and learn everything, but can I be treated like an adult and not an elementary school student? Can I be treated as if I'm capable of understanding whatever it is you're telling me, and not like a little kid who doesn't know ANYTHING? There are a lot of things I learned prior to college that is applicable to my work, and the only things I DON'T know yet are things specifically related to landscape architecture and dealing with clients/contractors/etc. So yes, I know how to convert decimals to percentages (one of my PMs was trying to explain to me how .02 is the same as 2%. But that was about as far as she got correctly, because she then proceeded to tell me that 2.0% is NOT equal to 2%. Then she looks at me, narrows her eyes in concentration, and says slowly, "Do you get it?" I just stared back at her blankly because I could not believe what she was telling me. I was also trying not to laugh). So this is what this award-winning firm has to offer, eh?

I know it can't be me, it can't be my screwed up perspective, because I've interned at other firms (smaller ones with less ego) and I did not have to deal with people like this! In fact, this is the first place where I've been in situations like this. I hope I come out of this place with a lot more tact and patience, but without the psychological issues. I heard our other offices are better (and smaller and more personal), so it's not like the whole firm is hard to deal with. I hope B gets into his NY med school so I can transfer to our office there. I heard soooo many good things about it. I'm scratching my eyes out while waiting in anticipation. 

cat-waits-for-bird

So B has gotten accepted into 3 med schools already, and is favorably reviewed for the NY school. I'm very proud of him, and proud of us. We've worked so hard to get to where we are today, which isn't anywhere great yet, but we're in good positions with lots of potential and I'm optimistic. It's always been important to me that I don't end up poor, because I grew up relatively little material things, and I want to succeed financially to provide a good life for my parents' retirement days. After all, they've sacrificed more than I'm comfortable with sacrificing in order to create the best opportunities for me. I want them to know that they didn't raise a useless child ("I din't raise no fool!"). I'm aware that this motivation can't hurt me, except maybe turn me into a desperate slob forever seeking the approval and acceptance of parents with impossibly high standards ("pleeeaassee mooomm, I started a business, made 5 billion dollars, and bought this man-made island in the shape of a heart for you! do you love me now mom? do you??") Anyway, if you shoot for the moon, you'll at least land on one of the stars, right? I'd be happy to land on a cloud, prefereably cloud nine. B is the same way, a hard worker not wanting to disappoint. I knew we'd be good for each other.

In conclusion, I think I need to eat more humble pie, stare at my shoes and stutter a little when being talked to, and do as I'm told without asking any questions. I will slowly lose all hope and aspirations, become a slouched grey figure slumped over my keyboard, blame the world for all my troubles, and slowly blur into a haze. CADD monkey 4 life!

CADD Monkey