volatile

• got engaged
• got marriage license - need to set appointment for marriage certificate
• asked for transfer to new york - need to hear back from HR
• parents have met

Yep.. things are rolling along nicely. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Goodbye San Francisco, I'm moving to New York! (in a couple months) yay!!

New York City

B proposed to me last night at the pier in Berkeley. I went to work during the day to help out my coworker with a deadline, then B picked me up at the office. We drove to Ghiradelli Square and walked around like tourists for awhile. Even though I've lived in SF for more than 3/4 of my life, I've only been to Ghiradelli Square twice (this time being the 2nd time) or at least that's what I remember. Then we went to Hong Kong East Ocean Seafood Restaurant in Emeryville for dinner, except some people were having their wedding banquet that night and B didn't make any reservations. We like to go there because of a delicious crab dish and because the restaurant has full glass panel walls and sits on the edge of the bay. The best time to go is during the evening to see the sunset, when you can dine and look out over the dark water and orange sky. Anyway, B, being indecisive with which restaurant he wanted to go to, didn't make reservations so we headed to Asian Pearl, another Cantonese restaurant in El Cerrito. The food was great. I usually don't like eating at Chinese restaurants because I cook/eat Chinese food almost everyday, but Cantonese food is a style I don't know how make (it doesn't seem too difficult to learn), and the seafood tastes soooo good. Then we went to the pier at Berkeley. I'm not sure how to describe the location. The area is by the bay, with a long wooden pedestrian boardwalk/pier (I'd say about 8-10' wide) that looks like it could continue over the water all the way to San Francisco. In the evening, rows of lights glow in pairs down the strip, and fishermen dot the edges with long fishing poles leaning against the wooden rails. Some people bring nets for crabbing, and a few bring their kids, so there are little kids running around gawking at caught fish in plastic buckets. The whole place smells like sea water (obviously), which is kind of nice, but salty and briny, and the evening was quite windy. We stood on the pier, looking at the water and sunset. I was wearing a black and cream polka dot dress, which was fine for the warm day, but not so much for the windy evening over the bay water. B started talking about how not everything is perfect in life, how things don't always go the way we plan, which is pretty true for everyone in the world, but especially true for us in the past several months. All of our plans were uncertain because we didn't know which medical school he'd be accepted into. But as he was getting into his speech, I was probably shivering a little too hard, so he stopped and we walked back to the car, where he continued on and the only thing I remember hearing him say was that no matter what happens, his life would be perfect if I were with him. Out came the ring, and though I knew we were going to get engaged and married eventually because we talked about it, I was still surprised, happy, and emotional.

So now I'm home, glancing at the ring every few minutes, thinking about how uncomfortable it feels on my finger, wondering when I'll get used to it, and not believing that everything we planned (marriage, moving to NY.. I'll get to that another time) is actually going to happen, and it's not one of our many other plans that fell to the wayside when a rejection letter came (damn you UCSF!! B did get accepted to UCD, among others, but NY is so much cooler, no?). Anyway, I can't wait to see what happens next.

I hate office politics. I'm not sure if I even quite understand what office politics are. All I know is that I feel like I'm either being too nice, or being too bitchy, and I don't know who to trust or who to talk about what with. Everything's fine and dandy when coworkers chat about idle things and they are not working together on any projects, but once they start working together, it's like some invisible game of battle royale. How do you distribute and divide work without some kind of secret power struggle? Seriously, why can't we all be happy, secure people without ulterior motives? Just give me a bunch of crap to do and leave me alone, so I don't have to deal with these awkward social situations. I swear it's the corporate office atmosphere. After all, our largest office is in SF (where I'm working), and instead of working together creatively to come up with the best designs and products, it's a free-for-all battle to be king of the hill (a hill of your coworker's bodies). I JUST WANT TO LEARN SOMETHING AND IMPROVE MY SKILLS GODDAMMIT. I'M NOT DISRESPECTING YOU OR CHALLENGING YOU IN ANY WAY WHEN I ASK A QUESTION about something simple and stupid, such as "Why are we using a concrete base with an aggregate base instead of just an aggregate base under a stone paver path with grass joints?" I am not implying that using a concrete base is a bad or good idea, I just want to know why. That's it. Really. Because I don't know why, that's why. If you use anything else I would ask the same question, except with different nouns. It's like mad libs.

Battlesuitengage

I also love it when we are about to color render a plan with prismacolors and someone goes, "So, do you know how to color?" Every time. "No, not really... I don't, just show me YOUR style and the colors YOU want to use and I'll copy it, because you are the best color pencil renderer in the world and your technique is impeccably perfect and beautiful. Even if you're not licensed and have been working only a couple years more than I have. Yep, those extra 2-3 years of coloring an illustrative plan has really made you into a pro."

I know I'm new to this field and am here to be a sponge and learn everything, but can I be treated like an adult and not an elementary school student? Can I be treated as if I'm capable of understanding whatever it is you're telling me, and not like a little kid who doesn't know ANYTHING? There are a lot of things I learned prior to college that is applicable to my work, and the only things I DON'T know yet are things specifically related to landscape architecture and dealing with clients/contractors/etc. So yes, I know how to convert decimals to percentages (one of my PMs was trying to explain to me how .02 is the same as 2%. But that was about as far as she got correctly, because she then proceeded to tell me that 2.0% is NOT equal to 2%. Then she looks at me, narrows her eyes in concentration, and says slowly, "Do you get it?" I just stared back at her blankly because I could not believe what she was telling me. I was also trying not to laugh). So this is what this award-winning firm has to offer, eh?

I know it can't be me, it can't be my screwed up perspective, because I've interned at other firms (smaller ones with less ego) and I did not have to deal with people like this! In fact, this is the first place where I've been in situations like this. I hope I come out of this place with a lot more tact and patience, but without the psychological issues. I heard our other offices are better (and smaller and more personal), so it's not like the whole firm is hard to deal with. I hope B gets into his NY med school so I can transfer to our office there. I heard soooo many good things about it. I'm scratching my eyes out while waiting in anticipation. 

cat-waits-for-bird

So B has gotten accepted into 3 med schools already, and is favorably reviewed for the NY school. I'm very proud of him, and proud of us. We've worked so hard to get to where we are today, which isn't anywhere great yet, but we're in good positions with lots of potential and I'm optimistic. It's always been important to me that I don't end up poor, because I grew up relatively little material things, and I want to succeed financially to provide a good life for my parents' retirement days. After all, they've sacrificed more than I'm comfortable with sacrificing in order to create the best opportunities for me. I want them to know that they didn't raise a useless child ("I din't raise no fool!"). I'm aware that this motivation can't hurt me, except maybe turn me into a desperate slob forever seeking the approval and acceptance of parents with impossibly high standards ("pleeeaassee mooomm, I started a business, made 5 billion dollars, and bought this man-made island in the shape of a heart for you! do you love me now mom? do you??") Anyway, if you shoot for the moon, you'll at least land on one of the stars, right? I'd be happy to land on a cloud, prefereably cloud nine. B is the same way, a hard worker not wanting to disappoint. I knew we'd be good for each other.

In conclusion, I think I need to eat more humble pie, stare at my shoes and stutter a little when being talked to, and do as I'm told without asking any questions. I will slowly lose all hope and aspirations, become a slouched grey figure slumped over my keyboard, blame the world for all my troubles, and slowly blur into a haze. CADD monkey 4 life!

CADD Monkey

If you had to write your autobiography in 6 words, what would you write?
Submitted by mitzie.

I pwned everything I touched, really.

Let's get these statements out. I have a boyfriend. We are not engaged.. yet. Yes, we will be engaged soon. How am I so sure? Because being boring old people, we've talked about when we should get married (there's a timeline and schedule for everything, you know. What? You don't plan out your life by the minute?? Get outta town), we even discussed when we will be engaged. In fact, I picked out my ring and diamond already. I know, we're so romantic and spontaneous, just like Romeo and Juliet.

So, as a smart and educated young woman, who ain't gonna get robbed by no good-for-nothing dead-beat husband, I've been contemplating whether B (B = boyfriend) and I should get a prenup.

I make a decent amount per year and it's certainly no dead-end job, and B is going to be a medical school student, making approximately a total of -$200-$300k in 4 years. Yes, that's a negative sign in front of the $ sign. After med school, there's approximately 5 years of residency (in which he will make less than half of what I will make at that point), but after all that 9 years of ridiculous slave labor, he will be raking in the leaves. Though, by that time, my assets would have grown by so much, it'll take centuries (okay, maybe decades) for him to catch up to me via investments, retirement accounts, and general income. But that's okay, after all, marriage is about working together as a team, right? Two people who plan to get married don't plan to get divorced. B is an intelligent, practical, and caring guy who puts my feelings above his own. Hell, nobody I've ever dated before him was so understanding. That's why I'm marrying the guy. So why the hell do we need a prenup? He is more of a team player than I am.

Still, I can't help but wonder if our relationship will need a safety net. Nowadays, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. That's less than a 50-50 chance of us surviving a happily-ever-after. What if B and I do end up divorcing? What if we divorce before he gets his M.D. and I ended up feeding and clothing his poor student ass, not to mention having to help pay back his debt, for however many years it ends up being?? Scary thought. I need a prenup, don't I?

As Michelle Singletary (lol, her last name starts with "Single" lol. I am so immature) puts it in her book, Your Money and Your Man,

Your Money and Your Man: How You and Prince Charming Can Spend Well and Live Rich

"A prenuptual agreement is a plan to fail. Couples think such an agreement will make a breakup easier. Breaking up is always hard to do...it says, Honey, I don't really trust you, so let's lay out our exit strategy so I can take all my marbles--my money and my stuff--when I leave this marriage." (p.79)

People who need prenups:

  - Those in 2nd or 3rd marriages.

  - Those who have children from a previous marriage or just have children from a man other than his/her husband/wife.

  - Those who have very unbalanced assets and liabilities (aka Donald Trump marrying someone homeless)

  - If you and your partner have significantly different styles of managing money and cannot compromise on a good, financially sound way of saving for your retirement, future kids, etc. (not ending up broke and homeless when you're old)

Plus, prenups can be thrown up of court if the judge finds any violations such as not listing ALL of your assets and liabilities, not having two lawyers (one for each partner), any signs of coersion (aka "hey honey... I know our wedding's tomorrow... but can you sign this today? kpleasethanks. By the way, if you don't sign it, I'm not marrying you, so there."), and prenups become weaker over time.

So, I've done some research, but I still can't come to a decision, because I'm afraid of making a mistake. It's like standing before a huge super computer, set to blow up the world, and there is a panel of 50 red buttons, only one of which will defuse the bomb. WHICH ONE DO I PRESS?? Do I press the button that looks the most unworn because the off button is the least likely to be pressed often since mad scientists don't usually try to blow up the world everyday? Am I into this prenup thing just because "everyone's doing it" and it seems like the smart thing to do? Do I want to set up a precedent of "yours" and "mine" so that we never really feel like we "own" anything together as one person?

B is not irresponsible, nor is he an alcohol-consuming-gun-toting-drug-snorting-deadbeat-spendthrift-greed-ridden-good-for-nothing man. He's not even close to that. He's reasonable, logical, and fair. (He's perfect, just like Ken, as in Ken and Barbie. Ken lets Barbie outshine him and he's perfectly fine with that. If Ken and Barbie divorced, he's not gonna throw a tantrum fit, right? If he has that tendency, then they should NOT have gotten married in the first place. In fact, lots of married Americans probably shouldn't have gotten married. I don't even think Barbie and Ken ARE married.)

Singletary (lol) does have a point. When you get married, you are putting 100% of yourself into the marriage. There is no "I" in team (repeat with me now), and a marriage is a partnership. If you feel like you cannot trust your partner financially or in any other way, maybe you are not ready for marriage yet. Marriage is a huge, life-altering decision, and you can't have a successful run with one foot out the door. Both partners should value each other as equals and with respect. Both partners should also value teamwork and be willing to communicate and compromise, lay everything out there (bad credit, gross habits, secret family members...) without belittling or guilt-tripping each other, and work together to come up with a plan to improve themselves.

I don't think B and I will need a prenup, but I'm open to having one too. This will take some more thinking and talking between us. yay.

EDIT:

Oh yeah, I know this is old, but I really like this song. I listened to it, like, 10 times at work today.

So I joined a couple of groups and browsed a few blogs.. vox is getting interesting.. and stupid. Just because no matter where you go or what you join, there's always something interesting and something stupid. I won't go into the stupid things because I've forgotten about them already.

Anyway, I've just read a couple of posts from CupCate's blog and she is a damn good writer (I can't believe she didn't finish college!) But, the point is, I feel like I can relate to the few posts I read. I'm 23 this year, turning 24 in October (and God, I feel old. I can't believe I'm not a teenager anymore. Every time I walk by Hot Topic or Forever 21, I try to restrain myself and remind myself that I cannot wear those types of clothes to work. Looking like a mess is cute and fashionable when you're in high school, but not when you're 23, because you'd look like a fool, unable to grow up and get a job). I'm working at a great firm (a GREAT award-winning firm, as I was told during my interview) doing the type of work I went to university to learn to do (landscape architecture), and living at home to save on expenses (I'm financially practical and am willing to sacrifice many things, however I have a weakness for shoes...) even though I can afford to live on my own. Yes, I am cheap, except when it comes to chocolate, sushi, and anything else delicious. However, there are certain things (meaning people) that are hard to deal with no matter how great my projects are.

When you are a nooblet, fresh from college and starting your first "real" job relating to your major/career, it is normal to be given bitch work here and there. It is even okay to be treated as if you know slightly less than you really do during your "transition" period at the firm. It is NOT okay to work under insecure, Type A project managers (PMs) who don't know as much as they should know for their number of years of experience in the field, and who treat you like a slave/idiot: there to get the work done as fast as possible so your PM can look good in front of the real boss, but not worthy of spending any time on to train. My first 9 months at the firm was with such a PM, and being a nooblet, hoping to learn something and not get fired, I gritted my teeth and hated waking up in the morning through it all. After politely and professionally requesting to work with other people and waiting several months, I'm working on another project with another PM, who is much better, though more intense, but at least she seems to care about my best interest as well as her own. However, this project has two PMs: the big PM (the nice one), and the little PM (very similar work and personality characteristics to the insecure PM I've worked with before). It's getting late and I'm getting tired and losing concentration so we'll see how things turn out. 

I also learned what "twitter" was today, and it looks like a waste of time.

I haven't blogged/written anything for so long, I feel like a noob. Let's ease my way back into expressing myself non-vocally on the internet with one of my favorite youtube videos. A cute hamster!!

I've had hamsters ever since I was in elementary school. Something about their little beady eyes and stubby limbs makes me want to crush them (à la elmyra) except I have a softer crush that doesn't kill them =)

elmyra

i'm still trying to figure this out